From kicked-out to on-the-mic, & Wanel...

Friday night, New City hosted Sara Groves as the headliner of our annual Spring Production, out in a suburban church in Wyckoff, NJ. I was in charge of 31 kids, for 7 hours, including the hour-long bus ride to and from Wyckoff, pizza dinner from a local pizzeria (after being harassed by a competing pizzeria owner on my cell phone--someone who answered his call at New City gave him my cell #, and he was aggressive, to say the least), and then there was the part where the kids, who were excessively wound-up, were jumping over couches in the room backstage, shoving and pushing in line, and "shh-ing" each other so loudly that I was ready at any moment to be informed that my crew was disrupting the performance. They performed famously, and I'm told it appeared that all was well. So that's good. Backstage and the bus rides, however, were also famous but not necessarily in the most positive of senses...

Last night was a different story, fortunately redeeming my scarring experience of the previous night. Sara Groves graciously agreed to perform at New City, and once again my kiddo-crew opened for her. As I was riding the bus to work yesterday, my stomach was knotting with dread at the though of once again trying to keep the kids calm and quiet backstage, since I felt utter failure the night before. But the Lord was good to us, and the kids, though still very excited and riled up, were more receptive to following directions. And they were great. They really are great...

Sara Groves was also great. I was excited to hear her, since when she performed in Wyckoff last year and Friday night, I loaded the kids up on the bus and headed back to Jersey City at intermission, in efforts to get the little ones home at a somewhat reasonable hour. So last night was the first time I got to stay for the whole show. Clearly, the Lord has gifted Sara Groves not only musically and as a song-writer, but also as a minister, as she shares the Gospel in between and through her songs. It was beautiful.

There were two moments that were especially striking to me. During the New City set, one of our 6th grade boys gave an introduction to the next song. He talked about how last year, he got in trouble all the time, and was kicked out of the spring production because of his behavior. He mentioned that he was really upset about it, and then a teen staff talked to him about the qualities he needed to show to be the kind of person God was calling him to be. He said, "something must have changed, because here I am tonight. And our next song talks about how Jesus can change our lives..."

I was a bit teary-eyed because his words were so powerful to me. I was the one who made the call last year. He had been getting into trouble pretty frequently at After School, and then there was a dispute with a bunch of the older boys where it got particularly out of hand, and he angrily knocked over the drum cage up on the stage. I sat him down in my office and told him he couldn't be in the spring production, and then called his mother to tell her the news. He was so angry--he didn't talk to me for at least a week following. Those moments are so hard. Those decisions, those phone calls: they're draining and taxing on my heart. But it's those moments, amidst the beautiful ones--this year, he's pulled himself together and made significantly better choices. I believe God is doing something in him. And so his testimony blessed me deeply.

The second moment that was especially moving for me was at the end of the evening when one of our board members, who is also an After School Center parent, shared how New City has been a blessing to her life and her family. She talked about Wanel. Wanel is a young man from Haiti, who the After School Center students sponsor through World Vision. Each Friday, we collect an offering on "World Day," and the kids' nickels and quarters, instead of being spent on chips and quarter-juices at the corner-store, go to Wanel. I think sponsoring Wanel is great--I look forward to reading his notes to us, and having the kids draw him pictures and send letters back. But on the day-to-day basis, it often ends up being moments before community time begins on Fridays, when I realize that I've forgotten to get out the offering basket, and I scramble around to find it. In the midst of everything else happening at After School Center, sponsoring Wanel isn't something I'd point to as one of the most significant aspects. But last night, Sonya talked about how her sons come home and talk about Wanel, reminding her that they need to bring their offering into After School. She talked about how it touched her, to think that she could make a difference in others' lives, broadening her focus from making it through the day-to-day challenges, to thinking of being able to bless others. I was really moved to hear that something that I take so for granted in the midst of the busyness and other details, has been powerful in someone else's life. It encourages me to know that God is at work in ways that I don't even know...

Sara Groves -- "Joy is in Our Hearts"

we were pressed on every side
full of fear and troubled thoughts
for good reason we carried heavy hearts

it is good to come together
in our friendship to remember
all the reasons hope is in our hearts

hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength

now with patience in our suffering
perseverance in our prayers
with good reason this hope is in our hearts

hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength

oh we saw the face of Angels
many good things well secured
for good reason this joy is in our hearts

hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength

hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength
hallelujah hallelujah
Christ our joy and strength

for good reason joy is in our hearts...

Redeeming the backyard...

Sam and Abby have been working super hard in our backyard. And I go out to occasionally play in the dirt as well.

Here are a couple of "before" pics from when we moved in last August (it's a jungle out there...for real!)...




Now these aren't really "after" pictures, because we're still very much in process. But look at the planting and growth! :)


Peonies, and these "night-flowers" that open at night--both given to us by delightful neighbors...
Dahlias...

Should I fainting be...

I love the last verse of O Sacred Head Now Wounded:

"What language shall I borrow to thank thee, dearest friend, for this thy dying sorrow, thy pity without end? O make me thine forever; and should I fainting be, Lord, let me never, never outlive my love for thee."

I sang it tonight at our Good Friday service. And found the last phrases especially fitting, and powerful too...

Should I fainting be (got the fainting part covered), but indeed Lord, let me never, never outlive my love for thee.

College Tour 2010 - next week! :)

New City's spring break college tour begins on Monday! We are taking a group of 10 high school students on a 5 day college tour. We will be visiting 13 schools, many in NJ, as well as traveling north to visit Yale, then south to Morgan State and Howard. We've built into the trip schedule lots reflection time, as well as time for devotions and worship. We'll be reading Tim Keller's book "Counterfeit Gods" and discussing it throughout the week. I'm really excited about it. We are taking a couple of students in particular who say that a year ago they weren't even thinking about college, but after being around New City and meeting peers who are going to college next year, they are excited to check this college thing out. Trips like this also offer great relational opportunities, and I am looking forward to the time spent with these teens.

Please pray for Josh, Will, and myself, as the trip leaders--to take advantage of the opportunities God opens up, to drive safely, and to have energy throughout a busy week. Also pray for the group of 10 students --to be open to new things, to feel empowered that they are full of giftedness and a college education is a realistic goal, and for the Holy Spirit's presence prompting and guiding them to consider or grow in relationship with Christ.

My second request is on a personal note, to ask for your prayers for health and wellness. I've been fighting a series of colds all winter, and finally after much stubborn resistance, went to the doctor last week. She ran some blood work and I went back to see her on Saturday to get the results. She gave me a clean bill of health, and I went on my merry way. A few hours later, I was filling up my Brita pitcher at my kitchen sink and had a split second of knowing that I was going to faint. I couldn't sit down quickly enough, and the next thing I recall is waking up on the kitchen floor, the sink still running. I'm not sure how long I was out, and I was confused and scared when I came to. If this had been my first instance of fainting, I'd feel more confident in saying that it was a just random thing, but I've fainted a few times before, during my senior year of high school and first couple of years at Calvin--a couple times resulted in gashing my head open and needing stitches. After the last time, I saw a cardiologist in Grand Rapids, who ran many tests, but came up with only a few slight irregularities but nothing conclusive. I was on medication for my last years at Calvin, and it was almost exactly three years ago that the cardiologist took me off it because of no further instances. I had hoped my fainting experiences were behind me... I've felt okay the last couple days, though a bit sore because I hit the island in my kitchen on the way down, scraping and bruising my back. I'm grateful for the people here in my life, but I live pretty independently (frequenting public transit, being home alone a lot, etc.), so it's a bit eerie to be concerned that I could lose consciousness. I'm having my old cardiologist send my records out here, and am following up with my doctor here, hopefully to be referred to another cardiologist. In the mean time, I'd very much love your prayers for safety and health, especially as I anticipate a busy week next week with leading and traveling on our spring break trip.

Thanks for reading and praying...

"Keep Living Where God Is..."

Perhaps you didn't know this about me...but I love Henri Nouwen... ;)

From "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henri Nouwen.

Keep Living Where God Is (p.23-4)

"When you experience a great need for human affection, you have to ask yourself whether the circumstances surrounding you and the people you are with are truly where God wants you to be. Whatever you are doing--watching a movie, writing a book, giving a presentation, eating, or sleeping--you have to stay in God's presence. If you feel a great loneliness and a deep longing for human contact, you have to be extremely discerning. Ask yourself whether this situation is truly God-given. Because where God wants you to be, God holds you safe and gives you peace, even when there is pain.
To live a disciplined life is to live in such a way that you want only to be where God is with you. The more deeply you live your spiritual life, the easier it will be to discern the difference between living with God and living without God, and the easier it will be to move away from the places where God is no longer with you.
The great challenge here is faithfulness, which must be lived in the choices of every moment. When your eating, drinking, working, playing, speaking, or writing is no longer for the glory of God, you should stop it immediately, because when you no longer live for the glory of God, you begin living for your own glory. Then you separate yourself from God and do yourself harm.
Your main question should always be whether something is lived with or without God. You have your own inner knowledge to answer that question. Every time you do something that comes from your needs for acceptance, affirmation, or affection, and every time you do something that makes these needs grow, you know that you are not with God. These needs will never be satisfied; they will only increase when you yield to them. But every time you do something for the glory of God, you will know God's peace in your heart and find rest there..."

Longing for a Better Country...

I've been mulling this over for a little while now...

In the midst of a list of some of those who lived in faith, the writer of Hebrews says this...

"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one. Therefor God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them..." Hebrews 11:13-16

These words have never stuck out to me before, but this week, the phrase "longing for a better country" has consistently rolled through my mind. These words striking my heart is timely, for I've been feeling a bit restless. I love this place (not just the geographical sense of Jersey City, but also a broader sense of considering the places God has brought me in life and ministry). But still, something has been stirring within me--a kind of nagging restlessness. I've been missing the country-side, thinking of the days when I sat in the backyard with a grazing horse, then jumped on his back for a bareback stroll around the yard and field. I've been missing my family, and feeling so very far away. I've been lonely, and at the same time, drained from the relationships I try to sustain on a daily basis. I've been wondering if I'm really cut out for this ministry--if maybe someone with more energy and vision would connect better with the kids, would respond better to the continual push for growth, etc.

So the words of Hebrews 11 have been quite an encouragement to me.

In the midst of my restlessness, I am reminded that though I have all of these whirling and sometimes conflicting emotions, I really am longing for something else. In the Calvin College/Reformed circles (which I've also been missing), the buzzword is shalom. Longing for a better country is longing for shalom...waiting for Christ to return to redeem, reconcile, and restore all things and relationships.

I have to remind myself not to take my feelings so seriously sometimes...certainly there are many that are legitimate, but it helps to recognize that in the midst of all these emotions, what I am really missing, what I am really longing for, won't be found this side of heaven. So I keep praying the words of "All who are Thirsty:" Come, Lord Jesus, Come! And I try to rest my weary heart, confident of the promise of preparation--that one day, he will come and every knee will bow and every tongue confess him as Savior and Lord...



---- Photos (recent and not-so recent)... :)

Celebrating Wendy's birthday, and praying for the Lord's blessings over her life, family, and home...
A weekend retreat with the women of Vroom Street Church...lots of beautiful snow...

I sat with headphones at dinner, learning my part in a duet to sing at the evening's talent show...
On stage...

Here's the not-so-recent part, fondly recalled...

Shhh!

Every Tuesday night, after the kiddos go home from After School Center, members of the teen staff head over to the nearby library at St Peters College, for a night of homework and tutoring. Last night, most of our students were in the same area, and there was also a group of 4-5 college students, who were being crude and loud. While the teenagers studied diligently (well, for the most part), the college students were pulling all sorts of shenanigans. I gave them passive-aggressive glares, but of course that was not effective. After a little while, one of our high school seniors politely got up, walked over, and said, "excuse me, please, I don't mean to shut you all up or anything, but a lot of people are trying to study around here." His approach was much more effective than mine, and the group moved their socializing elsewhere shortly there-after. And I felt proud of our kids...

Christmas...

"God came to us because he wanted to join us on the road, to listen to our story, and to help us realize that we are not walking in circles but moving towards the house of peace and joy. This is the great mystery of Christmas that continues to give us comfort and consolation: we are not alone on our journey. The God of love who gave us life sent his only Son to be with us at all times and in all places, so that we never have to feel lost in our struggles but always can trust that he walks with us.

The challenge is to let God be who he wants to be. A part of us clings to our aloneness and does not allow God to touch us where we are most in pain. Often we hide from him precisely those places in ourselves where we feel guilty, ashamed, confused, and lost. Thus we do not give him a chance to be with us where we feel most alone.

Christmas is the renewed invitation not to be afraid and to let him--whose love is greater than our own hearts and minds can comprehend--be our companion..."

- Henri Nouwen, Gracias

Thanksgiving weekend with Mary...

Mary came out to visit for Thanksgiving weekend! We had a delightful time together.

Our weekend project was painting blocks of colors (the orange from my bathroom, green from my bedroom, and purple from my kitchen) on a wall in my office...




The finished product:





We also did some Christmas decorating in my apartment...


It was fabulous to spend some quality time together, and I'm looking forward to going home at Christmas! :)

Gather us in...

I've thought before about the concept of free will, and how God must be frustrated when we make bad choices...commonly pondered things by Reformed folk, right? Yesterday, I was thinking along a similar vein, but more along the lines of how it must grieve God when we choose to linger in mess when there is so much more for us. But when we're in the mess, it's hard to see anything except clutter or chaos all around. I was sitting with one of our teens, and she has a lot of things going on--some brought on by her own choices, others brought on by no fault of her own. I had this moment where I sat there, wanting so badly to be able to protect her from the hurt, to challenge her to consider something more, and to help her trust--really, to just draw her close. I kept thinking of the song "Gather Us In," which we sang sometimes at Calvin, so I haven't heard it for a couple of years. The idea of God drawing us near and holding us close is so comforting to me. I think God stirs in us to be that comfort to each other too, and I pray we can share that safe and stable love with our kids and teens.

-----
We are the young - our lives are a mystery,
we are the old - who yearn for your face.
We have been sung throughout all of history,
called to be light to the whole human race.
Gather us in - the rich and the haughty,
gather us in - the proud and the strong.
Give us a heart so meek and so lowly,
give us the courage to enter the song...

Not in the dark of buildings confining,
not in some heaven, light years away,
but here in this place, the new light is shining;
now is the Kingdom, now is the day.
Gather us in - and hold us forever,
gather us in - and make us your own.
Gather us in - all peoples together,
fire of love in our flesh and our bone...
"Gather Us In" -by Marty Haugen.